In parenting magazines, I read about “you messages.” This is when someone turns a situation around and puts the pressure on YOU. We were taught that “you messages” were not good disciplinary tools and should not be employed when having a heart-to-heart conversation. Rather than say, “You made me angry today,” a parent should say, “I felt angry today, and we need to talk.” I practiced this as much as possible, but the art of defusing a situation by not putting guilt onto the other person failed to precipitate down to the offspring. Things that I could not possibly be responsible for suddenly became my fault. This candy wrapper incident enlightened me to the fact that my kids were as good at game playing with words as we were!